So
many movies are scheduled to be remade or rebooted. In the past few weeks I’ve
read or heard that Stargate, Predator, Highlander, Gremlins, IT, Jumanji, Star
Wars, Logan’s Run, Poltergeist, Videodrome, Starship Troopers, and even Police
Academy – please don’t, have some mercy – are going to be remade or rebooted.
many movies are scheduled to be remade or rebooted. In the past few weeks I’ve
read or heard that Stargate, Predator, Highlander, Gremlins, IT, Jumanji, Star
Wars, Logan’s Run, Poltergeist, Videodrome, Starship Troopers, and even Police
Academy – please don’t, have some mercy – are going to be remade or rebooted.
With
all these reboots and remakes, I got to thinking about the books I would like
to see rewritten or rebooted. The first one that came to mind is 1984, and not just to update the title. Imagine
including all of the current and near future technology in a rebooted 2048. Winston
Smith would find it much harder to hide from today’s surveillance technology,
but much easier to edit the truth. And instead of discovering a book in the
attic above the shop, Smith could find a USB flash drive once owned by Julian
Assange.
all these reboots and remakes, I got to thinking about the books I would like
to see rewritten or rebooted. The first one that came to mind is 1984, and not just to update the title. Imagine
including all of the current and near future technology in a rebooted 2048. Winston
Smith would find it much harder to hide from today’s surveillance technology,
but much easier to edit the truth. And instead of discovering a book in the
attic above the shop, Smith could find a USB flash drive once owned by Julian
Assange.
Going
on similar lines, the next book I thought is long overdue for a rewrite is The Bible. Imagine rewriting The Bible so it took into account all we
now know about the world and universe. It could be made to be a lot more
factual. It could start with a big bang. The ark could come to rest on Mt
Everest and have dinosaurs onboard. And God could tell one of his disciples
that the earth is really a lot older than some fools believe. The text could also
stress really bad outcomes for paedophiles.
on similar lines, the next book I thought is long overdue for a rewrite is The Bible. Imagine rewriting The Bible so it took into account all we
now know about the world and universe. It could be made to be a lot more
factual. It could start with a big bang. The ark could come to rest on Mt
Everest and have dinosaurs onboard. And God could tell one of his disciples
that the earth is really a lot older than some fools believe. The text could also
stress really bad outcomes for paedophiles.
Then
we have Shakespeare. I’ve only read Macbeth,
which I gather is one of the less boring books for an, at the time, 14 year-old
to read. I found if pretty difficult to read, with the plot being a bit Game of
Thronesish. Perhaps I missed its point all together, but I reckon it would be so
much easier to understand his books and get their meanings if they were
rewritten in modern English. Perhaps George R. R. Martin could try to rewrite
them and include more sex and violence. A rewriting of Shakespeare could help
alleviate the disdain for books that many high school students develop after
being forced to read his antiquated novels.
we have Shakespeare. I’ve only read Macbeth,
which I gather is one of the less boring books for an, at the time, 14 year-old
to read. I found if pretty difficult to read, with the plot being a bit Game of
Thronesish. Perhaps I missed its point all together, but I reckon it would be so
much easier to understand his books and get their meanings if they were
rewritten in modern English. Perhaps George R. R. Martin could try to rewrite
them and include more sex and violence. A rewriting of Shakespeare could help
alleviate the disdain for books that many high school students develop after
being forced to read his antiquated novels.
Many
foreign movies are remade into American versions. I did not mind the American
adaptions of Vanilla Sky or the 1998
version of Godzilla. For the same
reasons I think Harry Potter might get a whole new audience if it was rewritten
and set in the US. It could be called Chuck Pothead, and filled with sassy
teenagers who use magical Apple products, like the iwand.
foreign movies are remade into American versions. I did not mind the American
adaptions of Vanilla Sky or the 1998
version of Godzilla. For the same
reasons I think Harry Potter might get a whole new audience if it was rewritten
and set in the US. It could be called Chuck Pothead, and filled with sassy
teenagers who use magical Apple products, like the iwand.
I
often wondered how the world might change if women were in charge. Apart from less
beer being drunk and no Police Academy movies, the world might be a more
peaceful place, or we could all die horrible deaths. A perfect way to explore what
would happen if women were in charge would be to rewrite Lord of the….you
thought I was gonna write Lord of the
Rings didn’t you? Well no, I reckon someone should rewrite William Golding’s
classic Lord of the Flies, with an all-female
school class being stranded on desert island. Instead of Jack we could have
Jill. Instead of Ralph we could have Arya. Who would they vote off the island first?
Would Arya take revenge on all the girls who had been mean to her? And the
rewrite could fix up the big plot hole in the original, by coming up with some
other way to create fire than using spectacles.
often wondered how the world might change if women were in charge. Apart from less
beer being drunk and no Police Academy movies, the world might be a more
peaceful place, or we could all die horrible deaths. A perfect way to explore what
would happen if women were in charge would be to rewrite Lord of the….you
thought I was gonna write Lord of the
Rings didn’t you? Well no, I reckon someone should rewrite William Golding’s
classic Lord of the Flies, with an all-female
school class being stranded on desert island. Instead of Jack we could have
Jill. Instead of Ralph we could have Arya. Who would they vote off the island first?
Would Arya take revenge on all the girls who had been mean to her? And the
rewrite could fix up the big plot hole in the original, by coming up with some
other way to create fire than using spectacles.
Apart
from fixing up plot holes, rewrites could also fix woeful endings. And one of
the worst novel endings I have read was in Stephen Baxter’s novel The Ark. [Spoiler Alert]. In that novel
a specially trained group of young adults are launched into space from an earth
that is slowly drowning in floodwaters. They spend years in space, only for a
group of them to decide they want to return to earth. Morons. So they cut the
ship into two and the morons return to earth. This is where the rewrite should
really cut in, by having them return to a totally devastated Earth that imploded
from the weight of surface water. That would teach the morons. Meanwhile the
rest of the crew could actually make it to a hospitable planet.
from fixing up plot holes, rewrites could also fix woeful endings. And one of
the worst novel endings I have read was in Stephen Baxter’s novel The Ark. [Spoiler Alert]. In that novel
a specially trained group of young adults are launched into space from an earth
that is slowly drowning in floodwaters. They spend years in space, only for a
group of them to decide they want to return to earth. Morons. So they cut the
ship into two and the morons return to earth. This is where the rewrite should
really cut in, by having them return to a totally devastated Earth that imploded
from the weight of surface water. That would teach the morons. Meanwhile the
rest of the crew could actually make it to a hospitable planet.
Finally,
I think the most over-rated novel in the history of the universe not only could
but should be rewritten. Those who frequent this blog would correctly guess
that novel to be The Great Gatsby. I
think that meaningless assemblage of words would greatly benefit by being set
during a zombie apocalypse. With Daisy having recently been infected, Jay
Gatsby would be the only surviving human. Then we really could feel sorry for a
bloke surrounded by zombie hangers-on.
I think the most over-rated novel in the history of the universe not only could
but should be rewritten. Those who frequent this blog would correctly guess
that novel to be The Great Gatsby. I
think that meaningless assemblage of words would greatly benefit by being set
during a zombie apocalypse. With Daisy having recently been infected, Jay
Gatsby would be the only surviving human. Then we really could feel sorry for a
bloke surrounded by zombie hangers-on.
Unlike
many Hollywood film-makers who seem incapable of coming up with any original
ideas, I could come up with many more books that not only could but should be rebooted.
How about you?
many Hollywood film-makers who seem incapable of coming up with any original
ideas, I could come up with many more books that not only could but should be rebooted.
How about you?
0 Responses
Hilarious post Graham!
1984 rewrite sound awesome! I think its your next book! lol
As for women running the show, man, they are just evil, only more cunning lol.. As for Lord of the Flies, check out Mean Girls. lol.. or Heathers.. those chicks are scary.. they smile before they plunge the knife in..
As the the Great Gaspy, or The Great Yawny as it should be called, any change is a good thing…
Well I remember someone wrote a sequel to Catcher in the Rye and Salinger sued. Its a wonder rewrites haven't come out yet, though those piss-take books such as on Twilight and 50 Shades are pretty hilarious. For my birthday I received 50 Sheds of Grey lol.. or something … funny stuff…
Glad you got a laugh. Anthony. The more I think about rebooting books,the more I think why not? All those science fiction books of yesteryear that were set in the future that don't mention computers or mobile phones could be updated.
Very funny, Graham.
Of course books get "rebooted." One that leaps to mind is Gone with the Wind, retold from Mammy's point of view as The Wind Done Gone. Caused a bit of a stir, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Jane Austen has been rebooted, with a sequel to Pride and Prejudice about Elizabeth's marriage to Mr. D'Arcy and the future of the other sisters. Jane has also been turned into an amateur sleuth in the old English mystery story tradition. (So-so, in my opinion, but worth a try.) And then there's the whole zombie thing, which doesn't interest me at all, but incredibly inventive idea.
Rebooting is probably best done with older books, perhaps preferably after the author has passed on and can't sue (see Salinger above).
Love the idea of rewriting science fiction based on how things really turned out.
thanks Helen, that's two people I now know who get my sense of humour.
Hi Karen,
I was aware of the Jane Austen reboots, and a few other classics that have been turned into zombie books. So perhaps not such an original idea, but I thought that zombies really suited the themes of The Great Gatsby. Zombies are great hangers-on.
I have also heard of, but forget their names, of at least one author who has rebooted their own novels – as in updating and rewriting parts they did not like. With ebooks, this is going to become much easier to do.
Just read in the Age that Alexander McCall Smith has rebooted Jane Austen's Emma. http://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/oct/07/alexander-mccall-smith-jane-austen-emma